Wednesday, 20 March 2013

The very first step

I'm back after several weeks of not writing. I haven't really been in a writing mood. Believe me when I say that blogging/writing is a total therapy for me. Tonight's blog is deeply personal, thoughtful and honest. (When I say personal I mean - things that are tucked deep in my heart)
So the last several weeks have been more than interesting. I have had many personal battles to fight. They were difficult and heart breaking but I am finding that it is in those moments we discover who we are and Who's we are. I must admit that I am not feeling 100% secure in this season, it is like being forced to walk a tight rope. You hold your breath and just keep putting one foot in front of another, you hope you don't fall but have every fear that you will. It is as if I am right at the beginning, the bit where you don't trust yourself and aren't confident that anyone will be there to catch you if you begin to wobble or worse fall. However, feelings are fleeting, truth on the other hand isn't. Despite my feelings and my fears somewhere in the depths of my soul I am confident that God has everything in control, even when I don't see it or feel it.

I had a lovely chat with a beautiful person the other day, she said something to me that made me think. "You are exactly where you are for this exact moment in your life. The exact weight, exact situation, exact relationships...etc. You are going to have to see that maybe God is going to teach you something about yourself through all of these things, and it is a journey, it takes becoming okay or content in these things before they will change". Mind you I would have had to disagree that I am exactly the weight I am for this exact moment in my life for a reason...but having thought about it, there are some things that God is having to work out in me and one of those things is how I SEE myself. If I am completely honest I would say that I loath myself. I struggle to find things about me that I love....or even like. I don't see the best in me and I am very hard on myself. Now before I begin to get comments about this let me say that this is by no means a pity party or way of getting people to say anything nice...tell the truth people can say all the nice things they want but until I believe it of myself I can't really receive it in from others.

This year began with the word Settled, and let me tell you the last 3 months has been anything but heart, mind and spirit all all over the place. (Erin Norris Blodgett would get this..) I feel like I am ta taying in the wind. There is this restlessness and disappointment that I am wrestling with. This feeling of being less than good enough and like my identity is being expunged.

There is a search for my identity, my true identity. Who was I meant to be? I have had ideas and hopes of who I was meant to be, wrapped around small bits of the puzzle that God has revealed to me over the years...if I take away all the bits that I have imagined I would be and looked at what has been revealed there are only a few pieces face up in the grand scheme of things. What is the end product of this model of creation meant to look like, sound like....? I am not talking here just about spiritual things I am talking spiritual, emotional, physical. I have a good idea of what I would like this specific model of creation to look like ..but is that God's view of me? 

 Since I returned from the States I have had so many things swirling around in my head about health and well being. How did God create our bodies to function, what did He mean for us to eat...really (meat? no meat? raw vegan? vegetarian?). What does scripture mean when it says in 1 Cor6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."  There has to be a part of this that extends past the spiritual condition of our heart/soul to a place of honouring God with taking care of this vessel we were given while here on this earth. We are of little use if we can't function at full capacity. If we are tired or ill. I am not saying that people aren't going to get sick but something I have been ruminating on lately is this (as my dear friend Betsy says) People are going to God asking Him to heal their disease and all the while driving through the nearest fast food restaurant putting garbage into their bodies that is causing disease. It doesn't make sense. I have been one of those who drives through the drive thru's and who has and does order meals that are of NO nutritional value. I am the first to admit that I don't have it together. I just believe that God is challenging me. I can almost promise you that I won't get it right all the time and will eat things that aren't good for me, but I can also promise you this, as God is taking me through this journey and teaching me and revealing to me what He want's for me and my family I am going to make every effort to be obedient and learn to like things that I haven't enjoyed before and try things that I think I wouldn't like. Not because I am going to love them but because they are life giving and promote healing in my body.

I have this massive fear (as I have admitted to a friend this week during our phone call) of failure. What if I fail at this? What is the THIS that you are afraid of failing at, you may ask.....becoming healthy and in the process becoming the natural weight that God meant for me to be...whatever that is, becoming strong and energised so that I can be available to God to do anything He calls upon me to do. Yes I am afraid of failure, I am afraid of what people think of me and what they will think of me....should I? No!  I am sure that my idea of what people think of me is a lot worse than the reality of what they actually think. I need to learn to like myself, love myself and accept myself.

And so this journey begins with the very first step....Being open and honest.

Until next time... A

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Train up a husband....

Today I took Judah and Josiah to look around Toys R Us. I don't normally do that because as we are leaving there is a huge outburst about wanting something and me having said no not at this time. Maybe it is cruel of me to take two little boys into a toy store and leave with nothing but I think in doing that they can learn two lessons. Lesson 1 that every time we enter a shop we don't have to buy something and Lesson 2 that if we see something we do like to price it and begin to save for it. Judah found this Star Wars Droid Carrier. This thing costs £139.99 He was so excited to show it to me and he announced that he wanted to save up his money to get this.
 When we returned home we painted and got messy! So to the bath we march ourselves after we completed our masterpieces! Judah and Josiah have a great time playing and splashing about in the tub. Once Josiah was clean and all played out (which is translation for he was becoming too pruney so Mommy made him come out) Judah asked if he could stay in a bit longer. I must admit the fact that my son wants to be in the bath and get clean makes me happy b/c I am pretty sure that like most boys he will go through that horrible anti hygienic stage...Lord help I said he could. After he gets out, he dresses himself and comes down...only to announce that he would like to have a few jobs to do to earn some money toward his toy of choice. I have no objection! So I asked him to hoover the whole of the downstairs, tidy the toys, and bring any dirty laundry to the kitchen. And so it begins, Judah eagerly begins his jobs...then all of a sudden I hear this commotion and screaming coming from my precious 2 year old. Josiah is screaming and fighting over the hover with his big brother! What a wonderful problem to have. I sort it out and give Josiah a job so he feels helpful and big like his brother.

It is never far from my mind that my boys will be husbands one day (if the Lord tarries). I want to do right by them an train them up to be husbands who can show their wives that they can be a partner in marriage. I have boasted or bragged on my Judah before because of his willingness and even eagerness to help do dishes or tidy up only to have some Negative Nelly open her big gob and say something as silly as "enjoy it while he is this age because he WILL grow out of it and soon". Well to that I say, in most cases that is probably true and I will tell you why. Our children have a natural desire to be helpful and serve us. Watch any child from around 18 months up....they want to please and are eager to copy. The problem is that we as parents can do it better and faster! HUGE Mistake! I am guilty of it myself and have had to correct that in me. How are our children going to learn how to be an active member of a family if everything is done for them. So what if they don't fold the clothes they way you would, or the towels the way that you like them. So what if all things aren't exactly the way you do them.....who are you trying to impress (mind you this is a conversation I have had with myself....well that the Holy Spirit has had with me). What is more important, your boys learning to be active members of their families or your house being immaculate? There are correct ways of doing things and in time those ways can be expressed. However, it doesn't really matter if the towels are folded into thirds or halves....does it? I think it is worth being expressed here in this place, often times women wonder why their husbands don't help around the house and in my experience (from what I have seen, heard and even read on facebook) it is because they are told that they aren't doing it right, or well enough, or in some cases have over heard or read something that their wife said or posted in jest about how they did "bless him, he tried". If I heard that enough I wouldn't want to lift a finger to help either. If you hang your washing from the hem and I from the top does it still DRY the same? Yes, it just isn't the way YOU would do it...doesn't make it wrong. So any of you wives out there who have husbands who fold the laundry different to you....don't get on him about how he didn't do it right, swoon over him and show him how much you appreciate him doing it..that goes for all things. 

One of the principles we are teaching our boys is about the responsibility of husbands/fathers. Not all families work in the same way, I understand that but this is how it is for US. Please don't write me ranting and raving about how both parents have to work...I get that in some situations that yes both parents have to work and in some situation there is only one parent! I get that. For us this is the choices we have made and this is what we are teaching our children. Daddy has a job. He is faithful and diligent in what he does. He works hard and doesn't cheat his employer by doing things half way. He does his job with a happy heart as unto the Lord. That doesn't mean that their aren't hard days or days that Daddy doesn't have pressure/stress however, he continues on and does what is his responsibility. In saying that, we have allowed Judah to earn money doing certain jobs. There are some things that he will need to do because he is a participating and active member of this family however I want him to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride knowing that he has worked for something and earned it. One day I hope that this training will have prepared him for a job and set him up to succeed and have favour with his employers. It is also my prayer that through this training he will see the importance of sharing responsibilities in the home. My boys have a great example of that in their Daddy. Matthew is such a blessing to me. I stay home with the children and tend the house however, with home educating and providing opportunities for the boys to play and learn doesn't always allow for the house to be my husband who works a full time job outside of our home comes home and helps to get these things done. I am not lax or ho hum about my response to his doing these things. I am always verbal about my appreciation. Matthew often goes above and beyond my expectation of him in these areas. I think for me coming in to a clean kitchen or the living space having been tidied up is the equivalent to a bouquet of flowers. I suppose he knows my love language and it is acts of kindness....I love that he can speak my love language!

So today I pray that my sons will continue in their eagerness and willingness to serve and help others, that starts at home. Train up a husband..........Holy Spirit help us.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Bee Soft and Beautiful

I have had many people ask me what I do to keep my skin so clear and beautiful. I would argue at times that when viewing myself I don't feel that I appear to be beautiful but I will admit that I have good skin. Really good skin. I know that there are many beauty options out there when it comes to cleansers and moisturisers, but I think it is safe to say that if you look at the ingredients list there are words you can't even pronounce or spell. Who wants to put that on their face? I was one of the ones who did for a long time...but no more. Over the last few months I have been discovering that it isn't just the food we put in our bodies but that we need to also be aware of what we put ON our skin. Our skin is the largest organ we have, it absorbs everything we put on it. 
So for those who have asked here you go! 

I wash my face with Manuka Honey 25+.

My skin is the softest and most clear it has ever been in my life. I know that eating a vegetarian diet and drinking a lot of water has a great benefit to my skin but the way that my skin feels and looks since cleansing with the Manuka Honey has made such a difference. I think I glow a bit more.

Components of Manuka Honey

Hydrogen peroxide is a component of honey. It gives most honey its antibiotic quality. But some types of honey, including manuka honey, also have other components with antibacterial qualities.The major antibacterial component in manuka honey is methylglyoxal (MG). MG is a compound found in most types of honey, but usually only in small quantities.In manuka honey, MG comes from the conversion of another compound -- dihydroxyacetone -- that is found in high concentration in the nectar of manuka flowers.MG is thought to give manuka honey its antibacterial power. The higher the concentration of MG, the stronger the antibiotic effect.Honey producers have developed a scale for rating the potency of manuka honey. The rating is called UMF, which stands for Unique Manuka Factor.The UMF rating corresponds with the concentration of MG. Not all honey labeled as manuka honey contains significant levels of MG. To be considered potent enough to be therapeutic, manuka honey needs a minimum rating of 10 UMF. Honey at or above that level is marketed as "UMF Manuka Honey" or "Active Manuka Honey.

Manuka Honey for Skin

Many women who suffer from dry skin due to harsh commercial cleansers, acne and rosacea swear by the use of honey for washing their faces. Honey is suitable for use as a daily cleanser because of its antibacterial properties which allow it to gently cleanse the skin without stripping it of all of its natural oils. But the benefits of Manuka honey come from it’s increased antibacterial potency. Since honey is has a low pH of around 4.5 it is said to be pH balanced and helps to maintain the optimum pH of the skin.
To use Manuka honey as a cleanser, place a dime sized amount on your hand and rub it on your face using circular motions. Then grab a wash cloth and soak it with warm (not hot) water and place the cloth on your face. The heat of the cloth should open up your pores for deeper cleansing. Remove the wash cloth from your face and re wet it and gently wipe the honey off of your face. The heat of the water and the wiping motion should remove all the honey from your face. Then feel free to moisturise your face like normal. (

 As you can see mine has crystallised a bit but I don't mind as it acts as an exfoliate. I get my "barbie shovel" and scoop a bit out and then apply to my fingers. I apply the honey in circular motions and allow it to sit as long as possible. I want to give the honey time to really seep into my skin and do its thing! I then use a warm cloth and let it rest on my face for a few minutes...from there re wet and wipe my face clean (gently does it) Super clean and feels so good!
I will blog tomorrow on what I use to moisturise my skin!

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

A Great Beginning....

Today is 5 February 2013! Really where did the first month of this New Year go? As I write this I am kicking myself for not beginning this when the New Year rolled around, but alas nothing happens by chance.
This past weekend I had the great pleasure of attending the Newforms Level 1 Training coarse
( ).  I found it to be so encouraging. I feel that the last 8 years has been leading up to this point in my life. It is a firm belief of mine that we must walk through various situations in life so that God can grow and develop our character. One must get to the place that Paul speaks of in Galatians 2:20 "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" when it is no longer about titles, positions, power, acknowledgements, admiration of others, theological degrees, personal vision, buildings or denominations. It is about JESUS, His commands to His Bride (THE Church), and His vision the Great Commission. I have over the years had my eyes open to the ugliness which is institution and programs, it is as if The Church has had identity theft committed against her. There is an who from the outside has all the appearance of The Bride but on the inside it is fraudulent. I know that there are going to be people who aren't going to like this or agree, and that is okay with me. When looking into the Spirit that is how the church currently appears and what I have seen. Am I saying that all "institutional environments" (churches) are bad? By no means. The purpose of church or the gathering together is for encouragement and building up of the body. Sure many people love the coming together part and get all pumped up and enjoy feeling the presence of the Lord. Enjoy the fellowship with one another but never journey past the 4 walls of the building in which they meet. Sure there are the few missions trips, local outreaches, and charity stuff. But my question is this, how many of those Christians know how to effectively share the Gospel and make disciples? Have they been taught how to present the gospel in the most simple way and lead someone to Christ, to carry on PERSONALLY with the follow up of that, which is water baptism in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Following that with the laying on of hands for impartation? Then those who have been discipled are replicating that model...that is the great commission. I am speaking from experience here, those things were not the primary focus of ANY institution I ever attended. It was always the "Pastor" or someone else in "Leadership" who preached, baptised...etc. and those were the very ones who were run down and grew weary in well doing because they were doing it all.  I grew up being taught that I was to share my faith by my actions, but was never taught how to reach a non believer in a way that would lead me to truly disciple them. Why not? Because if The Body began to do that, and every member were functioning there would be NO Need for A Pastor....not to be confused with the pastoral gift (caring for people). We would see a multiplication and advancement of the Kingdom like never before. There are some institutional environments that are seeking how to do just that, train disciples. I think because those who are in "leadership" positions see that they can't do it all. 1 Corinthians 12:27 says Now you are the Body of Christ, and individually members of it. Lets looks at this from the perspective of a human body. My big toe cannot do the job of my elbow... each member has a part to play, the problem in the church (The Body) is that we have a few people trying to do the job of many, and in doing that there is a boat load of believers who believe that what they have to offer The Body isn't important or good enough.

I said all that to say that in the Newforms training people are taught about how the Kingdom of God is an organism not an organisation. In biology, an organism is any contiguous living system,  In at least some form, all types of organisms are capable of response to stimuli, reproduction, growth and development. I am looking forward to being a part of this Organic/Simple Church movement. I have come to the place in my life where God is taking me past peoples opinions of me. I will answer to only ONE, and it is only Him that I long to please.

It is my desire to love much...teach, train, disciple! I don't care if it is people on the street who have never heard the name of Jesus or those who have been in a denomination for the whole of their Christian walk...I long to see people hungry to advance the Kingdom. Matthew 28:18-20 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Tonight was and will be one of the most memorable nights of my life. Tonight Matthew and I got to lead our son, Judah, into the Kingdom of God through prayer. He will be discipled like any other that we disciple, training him to be and make disciples.

Until the next post...